Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Classic Games Race - Star Fox


Recently, me and my buddy Josh decided we didn't play enough video games and wanted to tackle some classics.  That's not entirely true.  I play an ample amount of games but I've been making it a point to plow a classic when I can - which sounds more like something I would say if I were running around nursing homes with a boner.  There are definitely some classic titles that either escaped mine and Josh's childhoods completely or at the very least we were just too stupid as kids to beat. Lucky for him, a few months back I made him an Emulation Station that contains enough ROMs of classic consoles to keep him busy for an eternity and I of course have my massive collection of cartridges and systems.  Yes, it's illegal for him to own the ROMs but did I mention his real name is Kyle and he lives in Alaska?  Josh who?

To motivate the playing of some titles we decided we'd start a game and play until one of us beat it, however long it took; Kyle on the EmuStation and me on the original hardware.  No codes, no cheats, no save states - just as God intended (except for the emulation part but fuck off).  It took us about a week of occasional play time to finally finish Star Fox.  I completed it first but it's less about the race and more about the experience.  At least, to me.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Super Mariothon Commence!

Goal: Beat six Super Mario games over a weekend.
Requirement: Have fun
Rules:  No cheats, or warps.  Beat a stage, pass controller.  Die, pass controller.  Easy-peezy

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Dear Haters: Why I Collect

Recently a friend ridiculed my collection claiming I could afford more of what they want me to buy if I sold the random, useless video games donning my shelves in my game room.  It bothered me a little but it's not the first time I've been judged for what I feel is an exceptionally awesome collection and man-cave.

"It's dumb, you're not going to play them, just sell them."

How about.. no?


Lemme tell ya why...

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Couch Bro-Op Finally Beats Another Game: Alien: Isolation

HIGH TENSION AND ANXIETY: THE GAME


The Bro-Op tandem of myself and Briz has not had the pleasure of watching credits roll together since we sacked ZombiU back in January.  After that we moved onto Alien: Isolation on the XBox One which took us just under six months to beat thanks to a multitude of life changing and schedule altering events that prevented Bro-Op nights from happening.  Plus, the game is no breeze and certainly challenged the depth of our wits and the resilience of our sphincters.  

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Recent ebay successes: The Shotgun Technique

On most days, I'd rather take my chances on Craigslist and run the risk of being kidnapped and brutally murdered inside a van off the side of a highway somewhere in West Virginia than venture into the price gouging, fake shilling world of ebay.  But recently, I don't know what's gotten into me.

You already know how ebay works because you've been alive for more than a day but just in case you need a recap, people post their wares/goods/collectibles (what have you) on ebay and idiots throw money at it until it sticks.  It only sticks when time runs out and it is determined that you were the idiot that lost the most money on it.  You do gain the item but you probably paid more than you should have had to.  This is evident because no other idiot offered to pay as much money as you did. You stupid sucker.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Far Cry 3 gets beaten; I end up wanting more

At first, I didn't really want to play Far Cry 3.  I was scared away by how long it would take to complete - ain't nobody got time for dat!  Upwards of forty hours for most people means I get about seven hours in, get tired of it, and rush through the rest.  In the back of my mind there are WAY too many games, not only in existence but on my shelf and in my backlog to enjoy one for too long.  But this game was like Pringles and black tar heroine, once you pop you just can't stop, or so they say (about heroine, that is).  The game DID take me several months of my daily gaming allowance to beat but man... it was awesome.

This is Vaas, a villain in the game.  He's a real cocksucker.
The game has so much good packed into it.  There are a few flaws but it truly does deliver action and adventure on a thrilling and often terrifying platter.  Let's talk about the look...

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Craigslist [almost] Misadventure

Tuesday was a big day for me.  I panicked while waiting for an engagement ring to get to my house via mail when no tracking number was provided to me.  I was going to propose that day, where the hell was my shipment?  I scrambled to get home in time to sign for it.  It was important that I was there before noon or else I'd miss the delivery and my plans for asking the love of my life to marry me would be squandered on her birthday.  On top of that, the engagement was all I had planned.  Without that it was just a shitty birthday and I was a shitty boyfriend.

Meanwhile, a guy named Alex waits patiently for me at the mall.  At 7am that morning I told Alex that per his Craigslist ad for a $25 Luigi's Mansion, I'd offer him $20 and would meet him at the mall. He obliged and he arrived at the mall, at noon as was agreed upon, and waited.

And waited.

At 12:15 I received a message from Alex.  "Hey I've been here for 15 minutes and I'm leaving now, we can try to meet up again some time...."

Ironically, this is the exact face I made upon realizing that I had forgotten all about Alex.